My name is John; I’m a retired banker, loving husband, great father; or so I thought! I had a relatively privileged childhood, I grew up as the last of three children, dad was a lawyer,he provided for us and we went on holiday every year. He always gave mum birthday and valentines presents but he had mistresses outside the home. Mum didn’t mind; she said it was normal and a man will always be a man and as long as he provided for the family, it was okay. I grew up with that analogy, as long as I provided for the family, gave my wife birthday and valentines presents, it didn’t matter how many mistresses I had. At the age of 29, I met Linda, a beautiful composed woman, I thought she would make a great wife; I was almost 30 and needed to settle down.
So, I popped the question and she said yes! A year after the marriage, we had our first child; Isaac! After this, she became very tired, sluggish and more attentive to the baby than me! Being honest, I had always had women out of the home but after Isaac, this became more rampant, I spent my nights with them and didn’t really care what she thought anymore! Two years after Isaac, we had our daughter, Nora; she was the sweetest most beautiful thing ever! Life was good, I provided for them, but I was never faithful; I’m not sure if they knew but I didn’t care! After all, even my mother said that a man will always be a man! Surely, they had to accept this! Both kids went off to Uni; Isaac graduated, became a successful corporate lawyer like his grandfather while Nora got married shortly after her graduation. Six years after getting married, Nora had a beautiful a daughter- Mary but shortly after she was born, Mary kept developing infections, day after day was spent in hospital and she eventually died at just seventeen months; it was an extremely trying time for the whole family but wee encouraged Nora to try for another baby.
When the results of baby Mary’s Autopsy finally got released, Nora came crying to us and revealed something that rocked our world forever! The Autopsy revealed that the string of infections that baby Mary had been battling with were as a result of HIV. How could this happen? Nora’s husband had been cheating on her and passed the disease on to her! While she was pregnant, the virus wasn’t transmitted to the foetus which is why it was never detected. It was only when Nora began breast feeding that she passed it onto their daughter! The infection after infection was because of the HIV but it went undetected; it was only after the autopsy that the Doctors realised what the problem was! They then tested Nora and found out she had the virus; she was devastated but not only that, she had also contracted Chlamydia which was left undetected and untreated for so long. The situation had become so bad that she was now infertile, as such her only hope of trying for another baby had been shattered.
I got angry at her husband; why would he cheat on her? Nora was so beautiful, hardworking, faithful, a great wife! Why? How could he do this to my daughter? The only answer that came was- So was my wife; yet it didn’t stop be from being unfaithful to her! I asked Nora if she knew her husband had been cheating and she said yes and I asked why she hadn’t confronted him and she said “I thought that men would always be men; as long as he provided for the family”. I felt sick to my stomach, because of the stupid and weak example I had set, my daughter grew up thinking adultery was normal and accepted this; today she is living with HIV, she is infertile, lost her only child and is now in the middle of a bitter divorce. I never even said those words to her but she learned by my own example! How could I have done this? If I could, I would go back in time and have treated their mother with all the respect she deserved and never cheated on her. I wish I had taught my daughter to wait for the right man who would be faithful.
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